he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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