Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
