You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
