Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
