this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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