I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
