I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
