I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
