I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
