Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
