obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
