feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
