Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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