i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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