hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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