I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
