So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
