Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
one two three fourrrrnication!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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