I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
