Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
