Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
