I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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