I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
