Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
