Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
