Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
