I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
