I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
