Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
