it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
