I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
