I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dicks are not precious.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
