Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
