I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
