I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Couch. On fire.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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