he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
