i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
