You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
