...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
