I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
