when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
