I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
