2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
