fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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