The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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