Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
