Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
