btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
