We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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