my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Someone signed my nipple.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
