At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
