yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
