U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
