so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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