Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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